Unmedicated Birth Story: Journey from a Traumatic Birth to a Healing Unmedicated Birth with Erika Bielska
Show Notes:
[2:10] Our Reviewer of the Week, Cristina Trouy, "As a first time mom, I did so much research before we tried to conceive because I wanted to determine what kind of birth would be best for me and I wanted to prepare as best I could for pregnancy. Coming across Stephanie’s podcast was the biggest blessing! It was exactly what I needed to make an educated decision regarding what was best for me and my baby. After listening to her extensive knowledge on everything birth related, I decided that a home birth was what I wanted! I love how Stephanie takes you through the whole process of birth all the way up to what to expect postpartum. Because of this podcast, I knew how to advocate for myself, how to select a midwife, how to prepare my mind and body for birth, how to stay healthy during pregnancy…I could go on and on. She discusses almost everything you could ever need to know about birth. Because of the confidence I gained through the information in this podcast, I was able to deliver my baby at home even though she flipped last minute and was breech. Reminding myself that “If they can do it, I can do it”, got me through 30 hours of labor. I am so thankful and blessed that Stephanie has taken the time and energy to put out this podcast. I tell every expectant mother I know about it! Thank you!"
[4:02] DISCLAIMER: Today's birth story is a little bit different than what you're used to hearing on here. I think it's a very important story to tell. Erika shares two very different birth experiences, and that first one has some experiences that might make moms uncomfortable or uneasy. Erika does an excellent job of pointing out what did not go the way that she had hoped and also what she needed to change for that next experience to be a little bit better. She's sharing her stories to encourage other moms to trust their bodies and to tune into their needs.
Her second birth is quite redemptive and beautiful and healing, so I do hope that you will stick around. But if for any reason you are concerned about listening to birth stories that include some rough moments, then this episode might not be for you. If you know that you're sensitive to those things, if you know you're going to internalize that and kind of take it on yourself, this might not be for you. If you are able to listen to and learn from other people's experiences, even with those rough moments, then hang on and listen to what she has learned and how her next birth is so amazing. I believe this episode is going to help pregnant moms prepare for birth in a very intentional and meaningful way.
I'm so grateful for Erika's vulnerability and willingness to serve other women with her very important birth stories.
[5:52] Our guest, Erika, is a My Essential Birth student from Poland! She lives there with her husband, Maciej, and their two kids. Edmund and Felicia. She is an actress, and he’s a lawyer which gives them the opportunity to navigate work around raising their kids not the other way around.
[7:19] Erika shares about her first pregnancy and birth experience. She and her husband tried for their first baby for 10 months. During her pregnancy, she dealt with symphysis pubic diastasis, strong food aversion during entire first and 3rd trimester, painful rushes, hemorrhoids, heartburn. She started listening to the MEB podcast around 20 weeks. She talks about how the podcast helped her shift her perspective about birth, and she jumped into learning all she could about birth.
[16:02] In Poland, when you reach your estimated due date, the hospital has you in for a non stress test and then you have to go back the next week and then you have to go back every day. Every day you get a non stress test, they examine you, and you cannot say no. In every hospital, there are no nurses, there are midwives. You always get midwife assisted birth and there is a doctor. At 41 +3 weeks, she was given a membrane sweep, which they did not ask about and she did not consent to.
[18:27] Erika talks about her contractions and how they felt. "What I noticed is despite the fact that the power of contractions (I don't like to call it 'pain' even though of course I think that my first birth was especially later on very painful for me), it's all about your attitude, and it's all about one contraction at a time. This is very important for me to share with other mamas. I like to call them 'pressure waves' because you don't have to let it go and just drown if one covers you because you really can work with them, and it changes everything. The feeling is intense, but it's not pain. I would listen to many birth stories and moms would talk about how painful it was. When I heard that, I was like, I don't want to talk about it that way. I don't want to talk about something that is natural and physiological in terms of pain. So I would talk about it in terms of power and seriousness and intensity."
[20:20] Her midwife that she had been seeing told her she wouldn't be able to attend the birth. Erika was disappointed, but her husband had taken the course with her so she still felt like they were prepared. She didn't feel a connection with the substitute midwife and felt like things were off. Her midwife told her to head to the hospital. While being admitted, her water broke and it had meconium in it. She was only 2 cm dilated after 12 hours of labor. She went to the birthing room with her husband, and the midwife told her not to move during her contractions because she had meconium in the water. That's when she felt defeated and had no idea what she was supposed to do.
[24:26] "The contractions were so intense at that time so I just laid on the bean bag on the floor, and I didn't allow anyone to move me. I stopped moving. I stopped breathing. That's when I was really struggling. I listened to her. Whatever she told me, I did. Even though I had all this knowledge, I knew everything about IVs, about constant monitoring, about risks, about movement, about breath. When a person of authority that I didn't trust, that I didn't feel comfortable with, came and gave me an instruction, I obeyed immediately. This is my first cue for other mamas, please fight for yourself because the stakes are really high. Your first birth is very vulnerable, and I think that for every birthing woman, it's like her skin is taken off of her. If someone is kind and loving, this love just goes through the skin and you feel so much more powerful, and it gives you so much peace and strength, but if someone is condescending or impolite or hurts you in a way, it also cuts deeply right away."
[25:55] Erika shares about her mental state at this time. She was completely checked out. Her husband tried doing things they'd learned in the birth course, but she wouldn't allow him to touch her for counter pressure. She felt like she needed to push around 6 centimeters but was terrified because her midwife told her not to push.
[29:36] Erika talks about the importance of learning her Enneagram type and how it applies to labor. She urges mamas not to skip those episodes like she did. She is a Type 9. a peacemaker, which means that she will agree to everything even when it's against her not to upset anyone. She cried when she listened to that episode later because it was point by point. "Please be careful and don't be afraid to change positions! You might be suffering in silence just to not let everybody else know that you're suffering. All the traps that I have fallen into despite extensive preparation in my first birth were really based on my psychological construction that I had no idea about."
[32:48] She talks about getting on all fours and how just the act of being able to hug her husband and rely on him made a big difference. However, the medical staff forced her to lay on her back, and she couldn't listen to her instincts. She couldn't listen to her body and she was very scared. Baby's heart rate started declining and the doctor said he would give her an episiotomy. She tried one more push, and then the doctor gave her an episiotomy that she did not want. Her son was born with the next push.
[35:49] "I think it's important to say that because all the birth stories that were like 'and then I gave birth, I forgot about the pain, and I saw my wonderful baby.' I didn't feel that. I felt inadequate and wrong for not feeling those feelings. All I felt was disappointment, disgust for the way the physiological part of labor went. I was not taken care of by the midwife when some physiological aspects of labor occurred, and I had to stay with them. It was a very bad midwife. I felt very dark thoughts and very unhappy thoughts, and I didn't feel bonded with the baby."
[39:53] Erika talks about how some women (herself included) are so focused on natural birth during the process. Natural birth is wonderful, but if you're suffering, it doesn't matter that you didn't take the epidural and that it was natural, because it's not natural to suffer during labor. Don't do that to yourself.
[40:14] After her birth, Erika wrote to Stephanie in great detail and despair about her birth. She thanks Stephanie for her love and guidance during that traumatic time. She describes her as a light in her FB messenger encouraging her and supporting her.
[44:41] How did Erika prepare for her second pregnancy? She was scared. She had a lot of hope, and she did mental work not to be terrified by the approaching experience and by her previous trauma. The first thing she did was jump back on the podcast. From episode number one, she would go through all the episodes and repeat them to just sort of ease her way into the world of birth and pregnancy and preparation. She studied and worked on her relaxation.
[47:44] Erika walks us through her second birth experience. She labored through the night and had a new midwife and hospital for her 2nd baby. She also brought her sister on as her doula. 20 minutes after she got to her birthing room, her daughter was born. She describes the experience as "beautiful, peaceful, loving, and calming." Her daughter was born en caul. It was a healing experience for her to go from a trauma-filled birth to a peaceful birth.
[58:46] What is your best advice for moms and partners?
For moms: "Remember that every pressure wave is a new beginning. It's not about how much it is until the end or how much the last one hurt or how you didn't breathe through that one. Don't give up. If you get an epidural, if you get a counter pressure from your husband, or if you don't, or if you do something wrong during five minutes of labor, don't give up. Start again from the beginning when the next pressure wave comes, because it changes everything when you don't give up and take care of yourself. And if you need an epidural, get one, girl. Just take care of yourself in the process."
For dads: "Touch your wife. What I learned is I didn't need counter pressure. I didn't need super great techniques that we have worked on. I just needed to feel the smell of my husband and his hand on my head or his hand on my shoulder. For me, just his smell, it was everything. Like the fact that he was mentally really with me. And I felt him with me and I felt his smell next to me. This was my safe place and it changed everything."
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